L.C. Wright

Author

Month: August 2013 (page 2 of 5)

Deliver Us From Evil – David Baldacci

 

David Baldacci writes a great suspense novel and Deliver Us from Evil will not dissapoint. A little James Bond-ish and a whole lot of suspense will take you from page to page and the ending will not leave you with anything less than a desire for more.

Shaw is a hard-nosed, hard-ass with uncompromising character traits and needs to bring down Waller, a really bad guy who makes a living by sell young girls to the highest bidder.

Reggie Campian wants Waller too, but for different reasons and a more permanent solution.

Waller isn’t dumb and taking him down won’t be as easy as either believe.

If you like suspense and action, you’ll like this novel a lot.

-Lannie

Parking Tickets

  Working people frequently ask retired people what
they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I
went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, ‘Come on, man,
how about giving a senior citizen a break?’
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an “asshole”.  He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Mary called him a “shit head”.  He finished the
second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it
and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired.

It’s important at our age.

To read one of L.C. Wright’s novels, check out Castle Grey – A Katt and Mouse Mystery. It’s fun too. Here (Kindle) and Here (paperback)

The Geek

  A computer programmer was walking along the side of a lake when he came across a funny looking frog. The guy picked up the frog, put it into his pocket, and went on his way.

A couple of minutes of walking later, the man heard a cry from inside his pocket, “help, help”! He took out the frog, looked at it, smiled, and put it back into his pocket.

Again, “help, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. Again the man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again.

Moments later, “Help me, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I’ll turn into a beautiful princess. I’ll do_anything_if_ you_ help_ me, anything”! The man simply took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again!

The little green frog again screamed out “Help, I’m the most beautiful princess, if you kiss me and help me I’ll do anything, marry you, sleep with you, give you money, ANYTHING.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled and said “I’m a computer programmer; I work too much so a girlfriend or wife is of no use to me. But, a small talking green frog is cool.”

Submitted by: Brandon Smith

You may also be interested in reading one of my novels. For a mystery with a lot of humor, try Monterey Madness – Mr. One Pocket. Here (Kindle) and here (paperback)

Language Barriers

  Disclaimer: I am not a racist. I just think it’s funny.

(read it with Italian accent) I am an Italiano. One day ima gonna L.A. to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to t he toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings m e a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: “Peace on you.” I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy!

Submitted by: Tari Fabian

If you are interested in other great reads and a lot more humor, Check out my mystery, Monterey Madness – Mr. One Pocket. A fun read with lots of laughs. Here (Kindle) Here (paperback)

Generous Lawyer

  A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

 

I like to start every day with a little humor. If you have a joke that I can use here, feel free to send it to me. I will give you credit.

If you would like to read one of my novels, a lighthearted mystery that will make you laugh, check out and get a copy of Monterey Madness – Mr. One Pocket. Click Here (Kindle) or Here (paperback)

Thanks and have a fun day.

Some Days You Can’t Win

  All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. “I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died. The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. “I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest.” The clerk couldn’t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says “I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you.”
“I don’t know” replies the man,  “picture this, I’m buck naked hiding in this cedar chest…..”

 

I like to start every day with a little humor. If you have a joke that I can use here, feel free to send it to me. I will give you credit.

If you would like to read one of my novels, a lighthearted mystery that will make you laugh, check out and get a copy of Monterey Madness – Mr. One Pocket. Click Here (Kindle) or Here (paperback)

Thanks and have a fun day.

Have a Good Day

  Mo was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig and menacingly says, “Thanks boy, whatcha going to do about it?”

Mo burst into tears.

“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?”
“This is the worst day of my life,” Mo says.  “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman and then my dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink; drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!
“But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

 

I like to start every day with a little humor. If you have a joke that I can use here, feel free to send it to me. I will give you credit.

If you would like to read one of my novels, a lighthearted mystery that will make you laugh, check out and get a copy of Monterey Madness – Mr. One Pocket. Click Here (Kindle) or Here (paperback)

Thanks and have a fun day.

The Art of Waiting

  If patience is a virtue, then I guess I’m not very virtuous.

I finished my first book about five years ago and thought I was something special. I mean really, how many people do you know personally that have written a full-length novel? Not very many I would suspect. It was an accomplishment I never expected and one I certainly didn’t expect to duplicate.

I was proud and not ashamed to admit it.

Then came the process of getting an agent. It seemed to take forever to finish the book. I had no idea how difficult that task would be. I sent query after query expecting someone to jump at my work. Naive, yes…but that’s just who I am. I’m a doer. I do things. I work and write and expect that by doing I’ll get results. That’s what doers do and how doers think.

What I couldn’t comprehend or appreciate was the waiting. I had to wait for the agents to respond. I had to wait for each letter to get back with the rejection that always came with it. Then I would send again and wait some more.

Now that I have an agent, guess what I have to do? Wait! I have to wait till her readers each read and finish my book. I have to wait for the next one to do the same. I have to wait for the editor to get started and have to wait for him to finish his work. And that’s where I am. Review the suggested changes and then wait some more.

But here’s what I’m learning about all this waiting. You can’t do anything about it. The book industry moves at a snails pace so you are going to wait. There’s nothing you can do about it.

The issue at hand is what do you do when you are waiting? The time can be a void or you can fill it with something productive. That’s what I suggest. Be productive. You can’t speed up the process, but you can have more for them to work on once they are finished with your first piece of work. Give them a reason to bump you to the head of the class once they are finished with the first project. Whatever you do, stay productive. Everyday, make sure you have something more available. In time you’ll complain that you don’t have enough time to keep up.

 

To check out or purchase a copy of my book, Castle Grey – A Katt and Mouse Mystery, click here (Kindle) or here (Paperback). Thanks for you support.

Changes to Get Noticed

  I heard a long time ago that the definition of insanity is, “doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results.”

I bring that up because that was my problem.  Because of twitter, I’ve been getting a lot of the same question: How did you get an agent? On the surface, the question seems benign–simple. However, there’s a lot to what I went through before that took place. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing and sure as heck didn’t have any pull with anyone, so I was literally starting from scratch.

The first thing I did was get some books on the subject. I not only didn’t know what I was doing, but I didn’t even understand the language. I didn’t know what a query was. I didn’t know what a synopsis was or how to construct one. Everything was new.

After writing a query, I started sending them out. I didn’t know if hard copy letters were better than e-mail so I did them both. What I discovered was that the biggest difference between the two was that e-mail query “no” simply came back faster than those from hard copy letters. No one was interested in my work. That shocked me. Duh!!!

I decided that I must be doing something wrong so I changed the content of the query and started over again. Same strategy. Same results. Dozens of returned letters and e-mails all with the same bottom line. No. No thanks. Hell no.

I did get one agent who had retired who requested the first 50 pages and wrote back to me after reading the work and using the entire contents of a red marker what I needed to do to possibly get better results. I was just stupid enough to get pissed off. Instead of heeding her advice, I threw it away.  Not the sharpest tack in the box.

I went through that same process several more times–same results–before finally giving up. I had run out of ideas. I had run out of patience. I had run out of gas. So I quit. Not permanently, mind you. I just needed a break.

One day I had an epiphany and decided that what I needed to do was find someone who actually succeeded at what I wanted to happen and started writing letters. Not to agents–to authors. I needed help and I wasn’t to proud to ask for it. I figured that they more than likely wouldn’t be inclined to help, but what the hell? I didn’t have anything to lose. Guess what? I got turned down there too. Many time as a matter of fact.

Then I got that ONE letter that made all the difference. Someone who took the time and made suggestions that mattered.

I made my changes. I sent out new queries. I got positive feedback. I got the agent. There was still a lot of work that needed done to make it acceptable. I needed someone to edit the work for me and hired a teacher that could make the changes necessary to make the work worthy of a proper review. But it worked. Will it work for you? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just stupid enough to not know that I couldn’t do it. Whatever. Maybe by stepping out of your comfort zone, you can get the help you need too.

It could happen.
Lannie

Dealing With Rejections

  I don’t know about you, but I hate getting rejected. Then I got married.

For now, however, I think it’s best if I focused on letters of rejections from agents. I’ve had my fair share. Over the last 5 years, close to 100 of them. Now…that could be because I was so persistent that I wore them down and someone finally just gave up and accepted me. (Guys might call that a mercy … fill in the blank) It could have happened because I got lucky and just happened to find an agent who was so bored because of a lack of things to do, that she agreed because she didn’t have anything better to do. Then, there could be another reason, one that might surprise you.

I learned what I was doing wrong.

I’m a pretty smart guy. I understand the concept of rejection. I used to tell people that “if someone doesn’t like me, they’re just a lousy judge of character.” It was said in jest, of course, but with a certain amount of truth. I’m pretty confident about myself (with just a touch of arrogance). But even I can figure out, with 80 rejections+, that I was doing something wrong. I read all the books. I even check out some of you bloggers, and still no agent.

I then did something different. I decided that the only way to get an agent was to emulate someone who actually did it. I found a successful author who was willing to share with me. What he told me, after I explained my situation, was that I wasn’t doing it right. He told me that agents are looking for authors (even new authors) because we are the lifeblood of the industry. They need us, but they won’t make it easy on us. We need to give them a reason to WANT to work with us. They need good work–correction, great work–from us. They need a reason to want to read our first 50 pages and synopsis.

Most of you have more experience and probably write better than I do. I can accept that. It doesn’t matter if you can’t get that across to an agent.

Personally, I wasn’t willing to compromise how I got my work to market. If you haven’t reached that agent who’s willing to give you a chance, then stay proud and buy someone else’s work off the shelves. Or… make a bold step and realize that maybe you too need to change something about your presentation.

I’m not doing this to put anyone down. I’ve screwed up more than any of you can imagine. I want this to be a reality check for anyone who wants the success of reaching the next level.

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